Dr. Julia Heller graduated cum laude in Diagnostic Analysis. Her life on G889 taught her about things that could never be learned in a class room. And now Dr. Heller will use her knowledge and experience to help you solve your problems. If you have a question for the good Doc, make sure to ask it! Questions and answers will be posted on this site.

Yo Julia: My pilot is flirting once again. What do I do? -- Someone

Dear Someone, it depends on how much you still care about this man. You could try to draw his wavering attention back to yourself. Be really caring, nice and sexy for him. If that doesn't work, and you are in need of more drastic measures, take example by Lorena Bobbitt and what she did to her husband John... I'd be happy to lend you a scalpel if you need it!

Doc, I need advice about a very antagonistic and gruff macho male. He constantly talks back and criticizes every decision I take as leader of our group. Being a successful authority figure yourself I'm sure you can help me. -- Yours, frustrated female.
P.S.: I kinda have to admit I like this stubborn bear, though.

Dear frustrated female, my advice: marry him! That wil turn him into a henpecked husband without a doubt and he'll adhere to your every command and wish.

Doctor, I found a frozen corpse this morning, when I was walking my morning round. It looks like it has been frozen for a long time, although it isn't below zero everyday around here. Should I defrost it, to study it further or not? -- A Medical student.

Dear frightened medical student, are you out of your mind? I have just one advice for you: RUN and hide in the Transrover! On second thought, you could try to make suitable meal portions out of it and present it as a new delicacy: Frozen Terrian / Terrian on the rocks. I'm sure this treat will prickle your taste buds, literally, and you'll even dream about the gourmet meal afterwards.

Dear Dr. Heller, I am a morning person, but I work the night shift. Nothing I do seems to keep me awake during guard duty. My friends and co-workers depend on me to keep them safe during the night, but I feel that I'm letting them down. Do you have any tricks I can use to keep myself from nodding off during those lonely evening hours of guard duty? -- Sleepless on G889

Dear Sleepless, stop counting Grendlers! On G889 that is the equivalent to counting sheep, which will naturally put you to sleep. Try picturing Terrians popping out of the ground all through the camp, that should get your adrenaline going and counteract the sleepiness.

My question to Dr. Heller is: What do I have to do to get rid of a very irritating fly-boy, who crashed his ship and broke his leg? --EdenAdvance

EdenAdvance, do you want to get rid of him permanently? In that case I'd advice you engage the Terrians in an interesting discussion while he drives off the cliff. But if you just want him to redirect his attention try this: Tell him you heard from Bess it was him she was fantasizing about. That should get his attention away from you.

Dear Dr. Julia, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a happily married woman and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm having secret fantasies about another man. Please help me to get these out of my head.
P.S.: Please don't tell me to talk with my husband about this in all honesty. I already tried that and he didn't understand and got very angry. And now the entire camp knows. --Yours, Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous, there are several ways to help you:
1. Take an ice-cold bath in the Morgan River every time you get these fantasies.
2. Reconsider your devotion to your husband, your subconscious is trying to tell you something here. I mean, geez, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with that pathetic whiner? Come on now! (BTW, if you elaborated on your fantasies a bit, I could consult with my dear colleague Dr. Sigmund to get to the source of your problem.)
3. Picture yourself living out your fantasies with e.g. a Grendler. Cured?

Dr. Heller, how do I get rid of a lovesick Grendler, that's been following me around everywhere? --Yours, Plagued.

Dear Plagued, if you're the peaceful and patient kind, locate a spider tunnel and catch a few spiders. Be careful that they don't bite you. Next time you are pestered by the Grendler, slip one of the spiders on it and let the Grendler be bitten. Try out the other spiders until its affection wears off.
If you don't have the patience to wait for the right spider, ask a strong friend of yours to punch the Grendler real hard. That should get rid of its affection at once. Or you could work out a few times at the gym and punch the Grendler yourself. Much more satisfying that way, believe me. ;-)

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